Let's Talk About SEX Babyyyy 💦
In this juicy tell-all, self-love scientist Victoria Icenhower opens up about her own personal journey to better sex, which started with embracing self-pleasure. Here's what you need to know!
A Little About The Guest.
Victoria Icenhower is the self-love scientist and women’s empowerment coach who supports individuals in cultivating deeper intimacy with themselves through embodiment, confidence, and intentional pleasure practices.
She brings a grounded, compassionate approach to conversations around self-pleasure, emotional wellness, and reclaiming one’s relationship with the body.
You can connect with her here:
The Guest Deep-Dive.
1. What’s something you used to tolerate sexually that you’d never accept now?
I used to be okay with just having uncomfortable, mediocre sex without even considering my pleasure and orgasmic outcome. Sex to me was a form of validation and while there could be a connection, I no longer accept and will have sex just to have sex.
There will be a connection and value to each party- I myself desire to feel turned on and in desire of my partner. AKA you could call this the bare minimum but we need to understand our sex lives matter too! You deserve pleasurable sex and it starts by stating your needs.
I will never get tired of saying I need more lube, I want you to do xyz. I love communicating in the bedroom and sometimes that means, hey can we take a break or faster faster fasterrrrr!
2. What’s something about your sex life that surprised you?
I enjoy being dominated in the bedroom. Yes… the kinky kind too ;)
As someone who for a very long time was in her masculine- getting to be soft, letting go, and having someone worship every inch of your body… OOOF turn on. Immediately. And to be in a sexual connection with someone who desires to physically lead you to pleasure is the cherry on top.
So in my early sexual journey, being asked what I want and learning that I wanted to try things that taught me patience, and letting go really blew me away.
3. What does embodied pleasure look like outside the bedroom?
Embodied pleasure looks like the picture of essence, elegant femininity- the art being at ease. Walk like the world is yours and what you desire is yours. Think gooey... yummy warm vibes. That is a powerful, sexy woman.
It looks like taking your time, sip the coffee slow, walk with posture and having boundaries to protect and preserve your self respect. Its knowing your standards and expectations of self to stay in alignment with who you are and who you are becoming.
YOU ARE THAT WOMAN.
4. What is your favourite toy for self-pleasure that more women should know about?
I love using my Yoni Pleasure Palace crystal dildo with my vibrator (a combo if you will). I love how smooth my crystal dildo is and it looks so pretty in the drawer!
You need a product you can't wait to get your hands on! Its smooth and can be used cold, warm or room temperature which also makes clean up EASY. It gets larger as you run your finger so you can start with just the tip and enjoy the process.
And every woman should have a vibrator or two. We need that little bit of stimulation to bring us over ;)
5. What shuts you down (sexually/intimately) faster than you’d like to admit?
It’s easy to get into our heads about getting that big "O", and once we make that a priority we lose touch with what's really happening. And sadly... yes it happens to me.
When I get in my head I can be really hard on myself, and the flooding questions on my worth come in... "why am I not sensitive" "is this something I really want"...
It becomes a distraction and the best way to get out of that is to be present again. Notice what's happening, focus on the sensations versus focusing on what's to come...
Just enjoy the ride ;)
6. What is your biggest piece of advice for those active in the 'dating scene' that want to open the discussion around pleasure with potential partners?
It’s important to have the conversation before you go home or enter the bedroom!!
Talk about intentions and expectations/kinks that are important to you! We're adults, so being honest will save you time, energy, and even emotional trauma. If they are not aligned with what you want, that’s okay!
It has nothing to do with your worth. Write down what you want, what your intentions in dating/pleasure are, and ask yourself if you need more time before getting intimate.
BE HONEST with yourself.
EXCLUSIVE OFFER
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The Podcast Deets.
Growing up, most of us were taught that sex is dirty and we shouldn’t talk about it. We were berated for touching ourselves and censored to believe that pleasure is bad.
But what if self-pleasure was actually a portal to greater self-trust, and as a result, true self-love? What if exploring your body, learning what you like and don’t like, could actually lead you to taking your power back?
Well today, Victoria Icenhower has the answer. In this spicy, jaw-dropping and delicious episode, we’re talking about ALL the taboo things we we’re taught to shy away from.
In this conversation we’re exploring the intimacy of self-pleasure, how it can connect you more deeply to your body, and ultimately, lead you to better expressing your needs and setting boundaries (inside the bedroom AND out of it).
Warning: this episode might have life-altering impacts... so listen with caution ;)
Let’s dive in baby!
Self-Pleasure: A Portal To Greater Self-Love [with Victoria Icenhower]
Excellent!
Sure wish I had your insight in my thirties. You have some really fun years in front of you!